63. The Three Magic Words

Most men think that the three magic words to say to women are “I love you.”  Those are certainly very nice words and always pleasant to hear, but they are not magic.  The magic words are, in fact, “tell me more.”

As in, “tell me more about your day”, “tell me more about how you get angry when I leave my clothes on the floor”, or “tell me more about how much you don’t understand my mother”.

These words are magic in that they signify that we (men) are willing to listen and learn more about our female person-of-interest’s day, needs, wishes, hurts, sadness, and confusion.  By asking for more information we are expressing interest and wishing to learn more about that person who, ideally, is the most important person in our life.  Why wouldn’t most men want to know more?

I will tell you why.

Most men do not want to hear more because they assume at the end of the discussion they will be required to do extra chores or activities.  Most men assume that they must respond to any expression of distress, frustration, or anger from their significant female other through action.  Put another way: “tell me more” equals “do more” for most men.

There may be some truth in this.  We probably should be a little less sloppy with our clothes.  And it would not kill us to clean the bathroom sink every now and then.  But, if you are a man and you are reading this, do not leap out of your chair and run to pick up your clothes during a “tell me more” session.  That would be a colossal mistake.  Instead, you should just mentally note your transgression and keep repeating the following phrase: “that must be frustrating for you and I want to learn more about how you feel.  Please tell me more.”  Focus on the emotion and do not worry too much about the immediate content.

And guess what?  Now your female person-of-interest feels closer to you.  More close to you than if you had picked up all your clothes off the floor for one year straight.


63. Tell Me More