69. How to Listen Like A Man

Your female partner does not want to talk about you to her friends, her sister, her mother, her hairdresser, or her therapist.  She wants to talk to you about you.  But if you will not listen, she will talk to others.  The words must come out.

If you choose to only listen to those emotions that do not cause you discomfort, you slowly create distance between yourself and your female partner.  While it is true that you can be wonderful and amazing, you also can be less than perfect at times.  If you wish to hear words of adoration and love, you must also be prepared to hear words of irritation and anger.

Most men have difficulty with this basic fact and they often confuse hearing negative emotions as a sign of pending conflict and potential loss of their intimate relationship.  But, in fact, the opposite may be true.  If you are not willing or able to hear the bad, you slowly create a gap between yourself and your female partner and she begins to feel that she cannot confide or share her emotions with you.  If she cannot share with you, she feels apart from you, and that very well may be the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Do you truly believe that by becoming defensive and arguing that her emotions are untrue or misguided, that you can convince her to eliminate those emotions?  They do not disappear, they merely go underground.  Out of your sight, however, is not out of her mind (or her heart).

I do appreciate that hearing not-so-nice things about yourself from someone you love is hard.  It is a struggle.  However, as unbelievable as this may sound, if you able to hear all your female partner’s emotions, you create intimacy and closeness.

Your challenge is not how to control what you will or will not hear.

Your challenge is to encourage your partner to be comfortable with expressing all of her emotions.  And when that occurs, be grateful that she chose you to share them with.

69. Angry Man