It is a miserable day out there while I write this. Overcast and a slight drizzle of rain. No color just yet in the gardens. Even the people walking outside seem gray.
I have two offices. My main office is very busy. Every few weeks or so I travel to a rural community and borrow a small office from a surgeon I know. Right now, I am in that rural community and normally I have a very full day of clients. But every now and then, like today, people either fail to show for their appointments or cancel at the last minute.
This leaves me with a somewhat patchy day. I am caught up on my paperwork and I have no internet access. I have time on my hands and I don’t know what to do with myself. So I am writing this blog post.
The past two weeks I seem to be engaged in one conflict after another. Perhaps the universe is conspiring against me. However, I know its just me and I seem to be in a somewhat confrontational or hostile state.
I have been arguing with the bank. I have been arguing with a company that installed a gas fireplace in our home. I had a disagreement with the service department at my car dealership. In my work I have to deal with insurance companies frequently and I have had several arguments with adjusters this week.
There seems to be a lot of hostility oozing from me and I don’t know why.
I know that conflict is unavoidable and there will never be a day of no conflict. But we do seem to seek that elusive day. I am no different than anyone else and, I too, pursue that illusion. That perhaps one day, all will be smooth.
But it is a fantasy. As I write this I can feel my mood lifting and I am chuckling at what a complete asshole I have probably been to the various service people who I have interacted with recently. I probably ruined some of their days and that does not make me feel very good.
I normally tell my clients (mostly my male clients) that at every party at the end of the night there will always be one dick. The rule is: Don’t be the dick.
This week I have broken my own rule. I have been the dick.
And the sun has just come out.
Maybe today is not so bad after all.